Reflection

You think my self-harming means I’m not coping.
I think self-harm is helping me to cope
You think I’m attention seeking.
I wish people’s attention didn’t need seeking.

You think you know why I self-harm,
I think it would be nice if somebody asked my opinion.
You think I should stop self-harming.
I think you should stop smoking and your fry-ups

You think I’m manipulating you.
I think if you took notice of what I said,
I wouldn’t have to.
You think I’m a waste of time,
I don’t feel people have wasted much time trying.

You feel that if I self-harm I might kill myself.
I think that if I didn’t self-harm I might kill myself.
You think that if you don’t talk to me when I self-harm then I’ll stop
I think “so what’s new”.

You think that if you stitch me without an anaesthetic
it might put me off self-harming,
I think there are better ways to teach me to respect my body.

You think you can’t help me while I am self-harming,
I think that if I could stop then I wouldn’t need help!
You think that my self-harm is a big problem.
Often self-harm feels like the least of my problems.

You feel you have to manage my behaviour,
I wish you would just listen to me.
Today you said you couldn’t manage me,
You were out of your mind with worry.

You said you felt a failure,
Because you didn’t have all the answers.
You looked me in the eye and said,
“What do you need from me?”
Now I think we can get somewhere.

We meet someone afraid in the dark, afraid of the dark, afraid to even
reach a hand out for fear of what might be hiding in the dark that might
hurt them even more.

When the person in that dark place meets us, you and I are just another
potential source of fear in their dark place.

They don’t
know we won’t hurt them.

How do you find out that the people in this room won’t hurt you?
By building relationships
demonstrated by our being kind to one another.

Your kindness reflects your light your light reveals something in
the dark less scary, less threatening, and allows the person to extend
their hand not into the dark but towards a person. Someone whose light
creates a path for them to walk on in a very frightening place,a place
everyone who’s been there describes as, ‘a dark hole’, a place of feeling
utterly alone and lost.

A place beyond words needs kindness to be demonstrated, care to be evident,
not just spoken.

The only way for us to be towards each other is kind. We can’t give to others
what we are not experiencing ourselves. We can’t be selective to whom we give
kindness to without limiting our own experience and diminishing their sense
of who they are. If I recognise my need to be free to be me then I know a
truth that is a key to unlocking myself and others alike.

Please allow yourself the truth it’s so ok to be you it’s more than ok it’s incredible and unique. M.